Little girls often fantasize about being mermaids.
I loved to swim when I was a kid, so naturally, I lived in the water as much as possible, pretending to be a mermaid, a dolphin. Water is like air to me, dreamy like heaven. Free.
I left day-dreams of Mermaid-ing behind in grade school until I embarked upon the study of Hypnotherapy. The two have no correlation to anyone else but me, so let me explain…
My desire to study Hypnotherapy was due to some successful and curious experiences I had previously. I had been in a rather tumultuous relationship, steeped in co-dependency and tragically difficult to get out of it. Fascinated by the success some of my friends had with a particular hypnotherapist, who helped them quit smoking, I took it upon myself to QUIT the relationship, by way of hypnosis.
I made an appointment, and though going alone to a strange man’s office for him to induce me into a “sleep” of which I’d never experienced, and had NO CLUE what he might do to me, aside from the terrifying horror films playing in my mind, I bravely went.
Sure enough, the office was sketchy to say the least, it smelled of old carpet, aged wood paneling, and cigarettes. The inner child in me screamed at the top of her lungs, “Get the F* out of here! He’s Creepy A.F.!!!!” I quieted her down, completed the paperwork he asked of me, with every cell in my body pulsing with actual terror, as I realized I had not told one living soul where I was, so if I ended up missing *gulp…
Anyway, my white knuckles gripped the arm of the Lazy Boy chair and in what seemed like s-l-o-w-m-o-t-i-o-n, I sat. In my mind’s eye, to this moment, I can see him clear as day… Old guy, those weird molester glasses that creepers wear in the movies, tan slacks – like from the late ’80s, white shirt with stripes, brown belt, brown shoes… He really was a very nice man, but these were indeed the thoughts racing through my very active imagination.
He asked me what I wanted to achieve. I said, “I’m in a co-dependent relationship that I can’t seem to get out of, and I think I’m stuck, maybe because of a lack of self-esteem or something. All I know is that it’s not healthy for me, and leaving people is hard for me, but I need to get out of it.” He looked at me and honestly said that he hadn’t worked hypnotherapy for this kind of thing before, but that he would certainly do his best.
I had never been hypnotized before, so there was no guarantee it would work, I certainly had no clue what to expect. He had me focus on my breathing, count backward and descend several levels of stairs. There he had me talk to my inner child, sadly I cannot recall the words he told me to say. I was instructed to take her hand, and everything else is vague to me. Granted this was many years ago… But I remember coming out of it, feeling quite relieved, probably because he didn’t do anything weird, but also just a general feeling of contentment. I left that day and didn’t really know if it worked, or if I wasted my $60 or what.
A month went by and much to my surprise, I was cleanly out of that relationship and no longer saw my now X partner in the same way as I had before. I no longer had a co-dependent attachment to the drama we were steeped in.
But for me, something more profound than the outcome was the beginning of a journey into the depths of my mind. I wanted to know what he knew to help me achieve the results I so happily achieved! I wanted that kind of personal power for myself!
From there I ventured into downloading Guided Hypnosis, Hypnotherapy and Guided Imagery content from all kinds of experts on the web. Seriously, it was like Hypno on Netflix. I was fascinated. I found some to be hokey, some smart, some boring… Ultimately, I realized that in order for me to really appreciate this curious profession, I needed to study it professionally, so I did.
The study of Hypnotherapy is beyond fascinating, to me, anyway. The techniques used to access ones Subconscious and Unconscious mind, where deep layers of programming exist, way beyond our day-to-day comprehension, the geek in me was gobbling it up!
They showed us an example of an ice burg and the layers of consciousness. I realized that I was that ice burg and that I wanted to explore and understand all the layers of my mind, what really made me tick?! What makes others tick? What was the hard programming embedded into my subconscious, and better yet, if I did not like what I saw, could I change it, and how?
Some of us will barely scratch the surface of personal development. The thought of reading a self-help book, for some, is revolting; needless to say seeing a therapist, a hypnotherapist, a psychologist, etc..
But then there are masses who will pop a pill to avoid the slightest tinge of self-development; for fear they may not want to see something about themselves or their lives.
There were times when I too wanted to pop a pill to make it all go away, but the thirst for knowledge was ever more potent.
To me, a prescription was a fate worse than death, it WAS death of my spirit and there was a deep ache within my soul to be AWAKE!
So, I dove deep, like the mermaid.
The crevices of my mind I’ve had to face have not been easy. But the awakenings and release from those old programs have been especially freeing. I am both the ice burg, and the mermaid, the fearless explorer of the deep, who now knows what she sees and no longer hides from her own shadows.
So now, would I go back to that same kind of relationship? Did the hypnotherapy save me from all other co-dependent relationships? No. Hardly. It was the tip of the ice burg to an entirely new understanding of myself; who I was attracted to and why, how they were representations of my past that needed healing, how to recognize the triggers, why I was comfortable in such relationships. It took many, many wake-ups calls for me to break relationship habits. First and hardest lesson was to focus on fixing ME, and not try to fix someone else. Those we attract into our lives are usually mirrors to ourselves and/or we are mirrors to them. Usually, the very things that make us frustrated with them are the very things we need to face within ourselves. Ultimately, the goal is to be a compassionate mirror, not a condemning mirror. By seeing the best in others, helps them to be the best of themselves and so the exchange goes. My lesson in that relationship was not so much in “looking for the danger signs” in others characteristics, but understanding that I chose certain dynamics for a reason, and at the end of the day I am responsible. We are not victims of our circumstances, we are creators of circumstance.
When embarking upon the journey of self-mastery, we must first face our SELF.
And so the story goes…
til next time, peace and light be with you,
p.s., . Of course, the entirety of The Power of Now is a must read, but chapters 6, 7, 8 and also 9 resonate so well with this post. Coming to terms with your “pain body” is a tremendously healing and liberating experience. If you can detach from the regrets of the past, the pain held within your being and subconscious, and any anxieties of the future, then you experience a completely new kind of freedom. It IS doable.
About the Image
I am the Iceberg, and I am the mermaid, exploring the binary data, the hard-programming of the depths of my mind. The mermaid is free and unafraid. One of the biggest takeaways I’ve gotten from all of this is that it’s important when doing creative visualizations that you place yourself in a position of empowerment, in a position of already owning the strengths and characteristics you aspire to in the ultimate, most empowered outcomes. Some may say they can’t visualize a particular scenario or outcome, but “imagining” is quite natural. Athletes, performers, artists, and great competitors often use visualization, or imagination to embody themselves “winning” or achieving their desired results. Become adept at navigating your programming, and you can become masterful at RE-programming.
Our thoughts become our actions…
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